The Source of Motivation

I've  frequently, been told throughout my life, how much like my father I apparently am:

'Wow! you're like you're Dad'

'My God! You look like Mike!'

'You follow your Dad'

'Your father must be a huge influence on you'

'It must be great to have your Dad to motivate you'

'You're so lucky. You must have Karate flowing through your veins'

Bla bla bla fucking blaaarrrrghhh!

Of course my father has been an enormous influence on me. It's inevitable!

Of course I've picked up a mannerism or two of his. It's in the genes!

And of course, I've followed in his footsteps in many ways. It was expected!

When you live with a man who is such a dominant figure within the home and hugely respected in his field, it is impossible not to be influenced in to trying to emulate him in some way.

BUT....and this comes from a place of love...

In so very many and important ways, we are extremely different people. 

Let me give some quick background for those of you who don't have the first clue who the Mighty Mike O'Brien is.  Dad was, and to some extent, at eighty five years old, still is, a huge figure in the small world of Welsh Karate. The first Welshman to get the coveted 'Black Belt' in Shotokan Karate, Chief Instructor of Wales and Welsh coach for decades, he simply was, Welsh Karate.

He is quite literally, hero-worshipped by many of his, (I say this with my tongue nearly in my cheek), 'disciples'. 

Me, Young Sam Williams and Dad
That's his happy face..

Dad has obviously been a massive influence on me and I followed his bare-footed steps, often by force, into the world of Karate. This pleased Dad, and as a son, you want to please your father.  However, Karate never did flow through my veins. It was never something I did for me. It was always for him; to make him happy and proud. 

Karate, without a doubt, has had many benefits for me. It certainly brought me a discipline for training from a very young age, even when I didn't want to. It also gave me some of my closest friends. But it was never something I was really passionate about. My only way out, without disappointing Dad, was that I was a decent rugby player as a teenager, and when Welsh trials came calling, I was able to step away from Karate without too much resistance. 

The old man was also a very good player in his youth and a huge Rugby fan. Having a son who played for Wales would make him proud and give him some bragging rights.

(I did return to Karate years later. It was far more enjoyable then. Probably because I chose to do it).

But here's the thing. Literally every other decision I've made in my life, be it: Relationships, Work, Business, Property, Hobbies, and even my fundraising, have never, EVER received the immediate support, and acceptance of either of my parents.

Where Mum will just shake her head and say "Oh Andrew, I don't know what God gave me for a son", then laugh about it. Dad will brutally, and I mean BRUTALLY criticise, with zero fucks given and can be pretty rude and hurtful. Many times, especially in recent years, I've had to just walk away to stop a few home truths from being machine-gunned at him.

Dad in particular cannot comprehend why I'm not motivated by money, a big house, a nice car, the accumulation of 'stuff' or a better paid job.

They think it's crazy that I do a minimum wage job because it stimulates my mind, it gives back, I'm being a positive role model to vulnerable children that have been let down by adults all their lives and that I'm very proud of the work I do.

They don't understand my need to test myself on a rock face, climbing potentially lethal (aren't they all) mountains, doing what they consider to be 'stupid' physical challenges. Even my desire to raise funds for a charity that I'm truly passionate about has been scoffed at. Macmillan helped save both their lives and supported my sister until she sadly passed away at the age of just forty-eight. 

"You're not going to get a fucking knighthood doing all these stupid things", my father once said to me.

I can't tell you how much that comment pissed me off and just underlined my father's belief that you should never do something for nothing.

Yes, I have been hugely influenced and to some degree inspired by my parents.

But motivated? Never.

The only motivation I've had from my father, unbeknownst to him, is to try and be a better father and husband than he had been over the years. 

As it turned out, I made all the same mistakes as him. Just not on as grand a scale.

I can feel the Karate guys seething right now. Wind your necks in. I'm still incredibly proud of Dad's achievements and love him, almost as much as you guys (tongue firmly in cheek).

I also know that despite their lack of enthusiasm for many of my life choices, Mum and Dad are both incredibly proud of me.

But they remain as critical as ever.

I just put it down to them being old and forgetting (Dad especially), all the dumb shit they did. 

I also understand that they have a terrible fear of me not returning from a mountain trip one day. They've lost one child and the prospect of out-living another scares the shit out of them.

Their criticism and negativity of my choice of pass-times then, can sometimes come from a place of unconditional love. 

For that, I love them deeply.... But they still fucking wind me up..

Well that was cathartic!

So what does motivate me to do the things I do?

Fuck! When I really think about that, a whole truck-load of shit comes bobbing to the surface, much of which stems from childhood trauma. Then, my continuation of that trauma cycle with some of the dumb-ass decisions and directions I took my own life. Thereby altering the lives of those closest to me, particularly my daughters. I don't know how they did it, but both my girls turned out to be incredible, intelligent and beautiful women. 

To get to the bottom of it all would take more than a couple of counselling sessions.

Back to the point. I don't believe any person can motivate another. As with my parents, another human being may influence and inspire you, but motivation  and the will to take action comes from another place. It comes from within the self.

Motivation can arise from the emotions: 

Empathy is motivator of kindness and good will, prompting us when someone needs a hug, a kind word or just someone to talk to. 

Love has motivated some of the most bizarre behaviour in the human species throughout the ages. From music to murder, love can take the credit and the blame for a mountain of good and bad shit occurring.

Happiness and Hatred are motivators at opposite ends of the motivational scale.

Greed can be a huge motivator for some people and can also be very destructive as the 'need for greed', pushes people aside and steps all over them in the quest for more.

Fear is our most primal motivator. When you can accept and embrace fear. It opens so many opportunities for incredible experiences.

But the 'Daddy' of all the motivators, in my book is 'Adversity'. 

Adversity makes a man get out and find a job to ensure his family are fed, clothed and sheltered. 

Adversity has motivated incredible feats of survival when all had seemed lost. One of my great hero's, Ernest Shackleton is the epitome of how a man can be motivated to overcome impossible odds and inspire those around you to believe and take action.

Since the dawn of history Adversity has motivated smaller nations to rise and fight the bigger oppressor against impossible odds.

When Adversity, came knocking on our door in the form of D's cancer, it motivated her to banish all negativity. In the face of all the surgery and treatment, she became the strong one and a couple who were already deeply in love became an even closer and stronger team.

My motivation comes from deep within myself and is drawn from more than one of the emotions and situations above. Sadness, Empathy, Adversity, for sure have made me take action. But in writing this, I've had to self-evaluate, delve deep and really think about what my motivations are.

Now please don't misunderstand me. I really haven't done anything that bad. I've not committed some horrific crime or harbour any sordid secrets that are eating away at me. But in the natural course of my life, the decisions I've made for my own happiness and wellbeing have hurt others. I could and should have done some things differently, and I have a few regrets. But that horse, as they say, has bolted. 

So perhaps, without consciously realising it, one of my deeper motivations is the need to make amends.

To some way put right the wrongs I've done in the past, by helping as many people as I can now, in the only way I know how: Through my job, supporting vulnerable children, and through my fundraising by physically challenging myself and raising awareness of whichever cause or charity I'm supporting which, for the last few years has been Macmillan Cancer Support.

Of course, there is also the fact that I have a natural need, desire and love of physically challenging myself whenever the opportunity arises. Much more about this to follow.

In the meantime...  What's the source of your motivation?

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